Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
