I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
