What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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