I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
