whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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