did you get engaged???
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
