I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
