i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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