i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
