I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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