toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
