Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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