After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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