dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize