Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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