i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
