Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
