You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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