I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize