She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
