Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
