Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
