I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
