I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
