i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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