I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
