he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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