Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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