dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
