You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
