A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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