It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
