I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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