I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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