The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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