the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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