Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I understand Curling. That high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
