I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
