We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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