Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
