Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
