Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
