Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
