She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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