So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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