WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
