my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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