Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize