The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
