shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
