She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
