weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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