Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
