I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
