i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
