Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
