I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
