do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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