i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
