Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
