Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
