I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
