hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
