They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The uberlube is also flammable
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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