Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
