the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
