I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
