Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
