I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
