your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
